those who remain silent in the face of oppression

Many recognise the need for great responsibility in situations of great power. In this way abuse can be seen to be both active and passive where one reinforces the other. Those who saw it and did nothing had no bad intentions but still served to validate her actions. As a child, I had very little power and she often used hers to overwrite my reality. As the parent and the adult, she held the power legally, financially, structurally and emotionally. When the power dynamic is out of balance and the person with the power inflicts harm on the person with less–even when it is unconscious–it reinforces their position of power and becomes abusive.įor example, my mother had an abusive upbringing, and paid it forward unconsciously (because she was not aware of what constituted abuse) but often intentionally under the beliefs which were instilled in her. It is the balance of power which determines whether an action crosses the line from hurtful to abusive. But that same unintentional behaviour can also be abusive. At a personal level you may be in a relationship where you unintentionally hurt one another because you have different (non-oppressive) value systems or different trauma triggers, but objectively speaking it may not be an abusive one (although it may be an unhealthy one). You can harm both intentionally and unintentionally, both consciously and unconsciously. However this is only one type of abusive and/or oppressive behaviour. That–most of us can reassure ourselves–we are not doing. Most of us conflate ‘being abusive or oppressive’ with ‘consciously and intentionally inflicting harm’. The Difference Between Harm and Abuse is Power

We need love to survive and it’s difficult to assume responsibility for something where the choice felt ‘forced’ and unwelcome, or which was as my small son says, ‘on accident’. Not only because to be defined as abusive and oppressive in our society–unless you are at the very highest echelons of society and privilege–means you are an object of disgust destined for a loveless path to hell, but also because it was either not our intention or we felt that we had no other choice. Right now there’s a narrative sweeping the activist psyche: white people as a segment of society are oppressive and if we are not directly abusive or oppressive ourselves, our ignorance and silence means we are enablers of abuse and oppression.Īs a white woman and a mother, I along with many others, have resisted such a narrative.

Those who remain silent in the face of oppression